Flying Pie Menu'zine #28 1999 Fall Edition 

PIE2K

Preparing for the arrival of the now infamous Y2K has become a defining moment for many humans around the world. Many of us have begun the long process of digging highly complicated series of tunnels underneath our homes that lead to fortified bunkers hundreds of feet below the earth s surface. Some are building rocket ships that will carry us to far off planets who s computers were built to handle the double zero as a feasible date. Others have traded in their cars for pack mules, their homes for sleeping bags and tents. Some have left their jobs and invested their life savings into Y2K compliant fishing poles, bug sprays and firewood.
We, at the Flying Pie Pizzaria have also begun to prepare. We considered running through the cities streets screaming and carrying on like maniacs. We considered the stockpiling of water and fuels. We watched the Mad Max movies countless times. Then it came...

REVELATION
"The Flying Pe must not give in to panic. The Flying Pie must accept the role as the worlds greatest pizza in the coming millennium and beyond!"
The heck with computer glitches!  Where will the human race go for great Pizza? Will the Flying Pie allow the turn of the century, a simple four digit day in history obliterate 21 years of excellent pizza, beer, comradery, wine and community?

JIMMINY NO!
Will the Flying Pie allow that looming strike of midnight 2000 to close our doors and leave our wonderful friends, our customers, our kinsman in a dark and desolate world without Zambini s, Samoans, Combos or The No Vegy Pieway!

NO WAY!
We will continue to be the lighthouse in a world where great pizza is difficult to come by. We will continue to be the safe place for the masses to gather for laughter, drink and food. A place to discuss the possibilities of space travel and moon communities in the new millennium. We ll be here for you and are certain you ll be here for us too.
—Travis


Reactionary Kevin G. heads for the bunker where he is stockpiling for the new year.

GO TO THE LIGHT!
Have you noticed? Our State Street store is now at a corner... WITH A LIGHT! The days of giving "between Collister and Veterans Park Way" as acceptable directions to our State Street store are over! We are now located at the stoplight on the corner of Willow Ln and State Street.
The reasons behind the installment of this stop light are, we re certain, great in number. Perhaps some of the mucky mucks over at the ACHD were having to wait a little too long for their Flying Pie deliveries. Perhaps this is merely a first step towards installing a "Historical Sight" sign in front of our legendary State Street store. Perhaps the traffic generated during Tuesday s all you can enjoy Gourmet night was backing up like the traffic jam after a Cowboy Game in Irving Texas! Could be that members of our fair cities government came to the realization that this light would give the Flying Pie Greenbelt access on Willow Ln.
Whatever the reason, we are very excited that the ACHD put a stop light in front of our State Street store. Now when your tummies growl for food and your pallets demand that that food be of exceptional quality you ll know to head for the light. Run to the light people. You ll find happiness there!

SUPER CHICKEN!

The forces of goodness will forever protect Flying Pies devotion to offer the highest quality toppings available to mankind, and chance the consequences. Each year the most acclaimed Flying Pie toppings are repeatedly challenged to defend their positions atop Flying Pies pizzas. Even pepperoni or cheese will do battle in quality taste tests on more than a dozen occasions in any given year.

Recently the Flying Pie s chicken, a worthy servant in the QUALITY cause for the past four years, strode (as only chickens can stride) into battle with a chicken that would prove itself a superior warrior in Qualities  ranks. As a result of this glorious battle the Flying Pie has allied itself with a new SUPER CHICKEN! Ahhhh the splendors of SUPER CHICKEN... as in mmmmm "super chicken" as in "good chicken."  That is to say that the new chicken is good. Not to be confused with "Super Chicken" a fearless crime fighting chicken in a red cape.

What does this mean to you? The consumer? The layman? The spectator? The civilian? Simple. Three of the Flying Pie Specialty Pizzas: Garlic Chicken, Chile-n-Lime Chicken and Mesquite Chicken are now another step closer to perfection. 

Ever seen Clark Kent hold up Super Chicken?

If you are a loyal consumer of a Flying Pie chicken pizza, we are confident that the high caliber of our new chicken will only intensify your loyalties. If you are a new customer and a lover of chicken you simply need to know, The Flying Pie has new chicken and it is SUPER!

The choice to leave an inferior product behind, no matter how long it may have served Flying Pie and it s followers, is a simple one given that Flying Pie is ultimately and forever dedicated to the great master: QUALITY!
                   —Travis

 




EPISODE ONE:
Howard Olivier, the Flying Pies dedicated leader, has most recently emerged from the depths of his ingenious mind with a plan to better peoples lives. A phenomenal five pizza deal designed to introduced the masses of our fair city, to the irrestible delights of the Flying Pie s seventeen specialty pizzas!

BAM!  CRASH!  BANG!
Flying Pie Pizzaria hereby announces the arrival of the Fabulous Five Pack, an offer that will end all human pizza dissatisfaction! The Fabulous Five Pack is an introductory offer for people to partake of five DIFFERENT Flying Pie specialty pizzas. The results will leave all participants with the happy discovery that they may not only have a new favorite pizza but a new favorite restaurant too.
Here s how you can become a card carrying member and/or be the hero who took the necessary steps to save a lost pizza lover from the jaws of non-Flying Pie pizza by obtaining a Five Pack card for them:
Simply go to any of the three Flying Pie Pizzaria s, walk confidently to the front counter and purchase a Five Pack card from the friendly human on the opposite side of the counter.  Cards are available for 10", 12" & 14" pizza sizes. Your card is now activated and redeemable for five DIFFERENT Flying Pie specialty pizzas. You may choose all five of your pizzas in one sitting. You may desire to use your card for one pizza on five separate occasions. The choice is most definitely yours! Just remember, each of the five pizzas you select must be a DIFFERENT specialty pizza than any others on the card. Once you ve tried five DIFFERENT Flying Pie specialty pizzas we re certain you will have been very pleasantly surprised by the one s you may never have ventured to taste before.

YOU ARE NOW A PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOU MAY EVER REALIZE!
Imagine the possibilities for a moment. What an amazing gift to give. What an incredible opportunity for you to tread further into the Flying Pie menu than you ever dared tread before. What better way to impress a group at the office? dinner party? picnic? than to show up with an astonishing variety of pizzas from Flying Pie? How ‘bout this? A combo on Monday, a Samoan on Tuesday, a Zambini on Wednesday. . . you get the picture! This is a card that can give, in a big way, once, or keep on giving five separate times!
Do not take this opportunity lightly.  Go to your nearest Flying Pie and take advantage of Howard s stroke of brilliance. THE FABULOUS FIVE PACK... The implications could be global!


 

A GRUESOME DISCOVERY!
NOTES, LEFT BY A FRANCHISE OWNER!!!
(WARNING: THESE NOTES MAY BE DISTURBING TO FRANCHISE PIZZA CUSTOMERS)

NOTE TO FRANCHISE SALES STAFF:
Don t forget to use the word "style" when speaking of our Kanadian "style" Bacon. "Processed pork roll" is another legally acceptable description, however it is less deceiving, and we wouldn t want that.
 — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO THE FRANCHISE CREW:
The new uniforms have arrived!  For the first time ever there are traces of actual cotton in the fabric. $50.00 will be taken from your next check in order for you to purchase the mandatory uniform. Also, the new hats require three double A batteries which are not included.
 — Franchise Owner
 

NOTE TO FRANCHISE SALES STAFF:
It has come to our attention that it s become common knowledge that the food we serve is not worth the full price we are trying to charge for it.  Therefore, we ve sent a massive number of coupons to peoples homes. 
 — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE SALES STAFF:
For some time now we have been debating whether quality or quantity should be the focus of our marketing scheme. Most recently, after dinner at one of our establishments, we decided that quantity unquestionably is the answer. Therefore, pizzas will now be sold two for the price of one!
 — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE SALES STAFF:
It has come to our attention that two piles of garbage is two piles of garbage. Pizzas are no longer two for the price of one.
 — Franchise Owner

 NOTE TO THE FRANCHISE PREP STAFF:
We now offer hand tossed crusts.  Each morning take twenty frozen crusts out of the freezer and throw them up in the air. Then, mark these crusts "hand tossed."
 — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE PREP STAFF:
Your request for new knives has been denied.  All of our toppings come pre-chopped and frozen. The frozen bags of toppings should be opened with scissors not knives. Also, the title  "Prep Staff" is being changed to "Thaw Staff" for insurance and other obvious reasons.
  — Franchise Owner
PS No, you may not have "pointy" scissors. The rounded work just fine.

NOTE TO PRODUCE COMPANY:
We accidentally received fresh produce yesterday. The Thaw Staff attempted to cut them up with scissors but had little success. Please bring us the bags of frozen produce ASAP!
 — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO MEAT COMPANY:
YES! Of course we re interested in substituting left over meat scraps for our ham. As long as it comes frozen with proper directions for our "Thaw staff" we should have no problems.
  — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE CREW:
It has come to our attention that no one is taking advantage of our FREE SHIFT MEAL program. We don t understand why anyone would turn down free food. 
  — Franchise Owner

 NOTE TO FRANCHISE PIZZA MAKERS:
Considering that our 100 % of our toppings are frozen, the possibility of having our pizzas pre-built in a factory has increased to probable. We are now accepting applications for factory workers in our new factory outside of Detroit.
  — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE PIZZA MAKERS:
The new red pepper flakes can be found in the bags marked "Fish Food." The new Romano can be found in bags marked "sawdust."
  — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE CREW:
We ve decided to stuff our crust with marshmallows so that folks can enjoy "dessert" with their meal. It will also mask the lack of flavor in our crust and the customer complaints should decrease. We have not, as of yet, come up with a solution to the complaints we receive regarding our sauce, cheese like product, meat toppings, and frozen vegy mix.
  — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE CREW:
Congratulations to our senior employee, Jimmy. He s now been with the Franchise for five full months! That s a new record!
  — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO FRANCHISE CREW:
Jimmy is no longer with us. Let this be a message to all employees who wish to discuss the possibilities of a "benefits package."
  — Franchise Owner

NOTE TO SELF:
Make money not good food.
  — Franchise Owner

Which side are you on?
WINE vs. GROWLER

WINE
More and more people are discovering the splendors that a good Red or White wine offer the pallet when partaking of a Flying Pie Pizza. Available for in-store and delivery, WINE has claimed many Faithful followers. See to it that the revolution continues!
GROWLER
64 ounces of draft beer Available for delivery, take-out and in-store! Members of The Flying Pie's Growler community are a group dedicated to the philosophy that "Great pizza demands Great beer!... A lot of great beer." Are you with us?

You Belong With Us!






OUR CREW

For 21 years our crews have made The Flying Pie an exceedingly enjoyable place to work and dine.  In an industry that measures average employee length of stay in weeks The Flying Pie is proud to measure that number in years. Our crews sling pies together. Our crews challenge each other. Our crews sometimes have water fights at the dish sink. Our crews care about the quality of food and oh yes, the quality of our beers too. Our crews create an atmosphere that customers comment positively on each and every day. Our crews are not required to wear funny hats. Our crews can often be found hanging out together long after their shifts have ended. Our crews have two homes. . .you get the picture. Our crews BELONG at Flying Pie!


OUR CUSTOMERS

The Flying Pie has been around for 21 years.  A week does not pass that we don t talk with a person that's been a loyal customer for all 21 of those years. That's amazing.  Our roots are beginning to crack the pavement.  A day does not go by that we don t see the smiling faces of many regulars walk through our doors. An hour does not go by that a new person, perhaps by fate, doesn t enter into the Flying Pie experience for the very first time.  It won t be long before that person makes a life changing discovery.  "This is the best pizza I've ever had." they'll say, "Now, I know where I belong."

SPEAK TO OUR R.E.P.
(Repeatably Excellent Pizzas)

    Our crews are rightfully proud of their ability to replicate an excellent pizza. This ability is the result of 15 years of steady progress toward a seemingly impossible goal: Repeatably Excellent Pizzas.
Many (independent) pizza restaurants are capable of making an excellent pizza, but are incapable of making two identically excellent pizzas. One out of ten times the pizza is great, one out of ten it is awful, the other eight fall somewhere in between. The problem is: It would cost $300 to get two great pizzas!
    Back in the mid-eighties, we were as helpless to replicate a wonderful pizza as anyone else. We made excellent pizzas. . . a few of them each night. We also made awful pizzas. . . a few of them each night. Acknowledging this was the first step in our project: Discover how to accomplish Repeatably Excellent Pizzas.
    One of the turning points in this project happened completely by accident. One day a crew member copied a cheeseless pizza from a photograph in a food calendar. It was a crust basted with olive oil and covered with sliced tomatoes and fresh basil. As we ate it, several people remarked that it seemed like it had cheese on it. We were all suitably impressed and set out to make another like it, only to fail. . .  Repeatedly.
    When we undauntingly accepted the challenge of capturing the magic of that calendar pizza, no one guessed it would take fifty attempts! It was incredibly difficult to get the desired effect on a repeatable basis. What we lacked in proper tools, we overcame with plucky spirit. The tools were developed later!
    The key to success on this early project turned out to be the amount of olive oil. It is the only weight in any of our recipes which is listed in thousandths of pounds! One hundredth is too dry, two hundredths is too soggy. Fifteen thousandths is the correct amount. That difference, five thousandths of a pound, made the pizza not only excellent, but repeatably excellent. It also set the bar for what lengths we ll go to, to solve a puzzle.
    Since then we ve taken hundreds of such steps, some of them even of purpose! Our science has improved dramatically as have our tools. From infrared thermometers to water meters for making dough, we start with the best and then custom modify things to suit our needs.
    Our ability to make repeatably excellent pizzas is now legendary among local restaurants of all stripes.  This level of esteem is one of the most enjoyable parts of working at Flying Pie.  What this means to you as a customer is, YOU get to take our excellence for granted, because WE NEVER DO!
      — Howard
 
 

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR R.E.P.'S ABILITY!
   If there is a blending modification you would like to try, we are always happy to work together toward the day when you will order a "Large Phosgo with .47 Mozzarella" or a "Zappi with .06 spinach",  your personalized Flying Pie Pizza.
   This is yet another application of the value imbedded in "REPEATABLY EXCELLENT PIZZAS!"
   On any pizza with a (certified to be repeatably excellent) sticker, we know to the hundredth of pound what we did, and can exactly replicate it for you, any time!

 


DISCLAIMER: There is no such thing as Pizza-Monkeys.
 This is a joke.  This is only a joke.  In the event of an actual offer we would be much less funny.

FLYING WHY?